Tactics by Toy Story: The Kindergarten Reign of a Smooth Talking Imposter
The board swapped a legendary manager for a Whiteboard philosopher with fridge magnets. This is the brutal confirmation of a flawed appointment made by an under-fire board built on nepotism.
The image, now seared into the consciousness of every Celtic supporter, was one of profound absurdity. There, on the touchline of a tense, faltering title race, stood our new manager Wilfried Nancy. Not barking orders, not rallying his troops, but bent over a miniature whiteboard, shuffling fridge magnets like a child playing Subbuteo. This wasn’t a pre-game tactical seminar. This was a desperate, mid-second half Hail Mary against a Hearts side we used to dismantle for fun. And as the TV cameras lingered, the wider football world didn’t see innovation - they watched a man hopelessly out of his depth, performing a pantomime of management while the house of cards this Celtic board built teetered in the Glasgow wind. Derek McInnes, a seasoned operator, glanced over, deciphered the kindergarten schematics in seconds, made his own change, and watched his team run out deserved winners. It was a perfect, damning metaphor: a project manager with toys, out-thought by a proper football manager.
This is not a mere blip at the start of Nancy’s managerial career at Celtic - it is a sign of things to come. Sunday’s 2-1 defeat to Hearts was not bad luck. It was a forensic expose, a brutal confirmation of every fear that I had as soon as I heard about his appointment. We are all agreed that Rodgers going was the best thing for the club, but to ditch Martin O’Neill ahead of our biggest game of the season so far was idiotic to say the least- a man of proven Celtic pedigree, whose very presence conveyed an expectation of dominance - we didn’t just change a manager. We abandoned an entire philosophy of success for a baffling, hubristic experiment. We traded the known fight and battling spirit that saw Celtic claw back an eight point deficit ahead of Sunday’s game for the vague promise of a “process,” and in Wilfried Nancy, we have found our very own Pedro Caixinha. The whiteboard was his “in the bush” moment. We deserve every ounce of mockery coming our way.
Let’s strip away the pretence of a “project.” Nancy arrived not as a conquering hero, but as a curious appointment from the MLS, a league we scrutinise with interest but not with reverence for its tactical exports. His CV boasted a 7th-place finish last season and a passing schema. His advocates, a small but vocal group obsessed with aesthetics over outcome, spoke of “verticality” and “structured build-up.” What they failed to mention, and what is now painfully evident, is that his football is simply a another version of the Brendan Rodgers “horseshoe” tippy tappy pish we grew to lament.
For about 20 minutes against Hearts, there was a flicker. The ball moved with purpose, there was direct running, a hint of penetration. A number of great chances to break the deadlock. And then, as if programmed, we reverted to type. Endless, sterile possession in front of two banks of four. Sideways, backwards, hypnotic and impotent. It is Rodgers’ old fault line, but without the underlying guarantee of quality or the relentless winning mentality that Rodgers, for all his flaws, ultimately possessed. Nancy has taken the worst aspect of Rodgers’ toolkit and made it the entire, flawed foundation. It is possession without penetration, control without cutting edge, a philosophy where dominating the pass count is mistaken for dominating the game.
The defensive frailties are not just a side issue; they are systemic. The frailties were there when we had a bank of four at the back, they were even more evident with a back three. We concede from set-pieces with a laughable regularity. Jake O’Brien’s header for Hearts’ first goal was not an isolated incident; it is a weekly audition for calamity. The winning goal - horrendous, schoolboy defending from Callum McGregor, our defenders and Kasper Schmeichel while Arne Engels jogged back onto the pitch out of picture to play Braga onside - was the individual error that systemic uncertainty breeds. Under a strong, authoritative manager like O’Neill, these issues are drilled out on the training ground for the most part. Under a theorist like Nancy, they are apparently part of the “learning curve.” The curve is pointing straight down.
And this brings us to the root of the rot: the breathtaking cronyism that installed this new regime. The narrative that the club, in their distant wisdom, identified a hidden genius from the MLS is a fantasy. The truth is far more depressing and familiar to anyone who has watched Celtic’s boardroom operate. This was nepotism, pure and simple. Desmond allowed his pal, the inexplicably appointed Paul Tisdale, to hire his mate’s mate. Let that sink in. If he was such a hidden genius why was no other European club after him?
For that matter, and I will ask this again, why is Paul Tisdale, a man whose managerial pinnacle was League Two football with Exeter City and whose stint at Stevenage was forgettable, the Head of Football Operations at one of Britain’s biggest clubs? What qualifies him to shape the destiny of Celtic? His appointment was a head-scratcher to say the least and nothing since has shown anyone that he deserves to be in the job. His first major act - spearheading the hire of Nancy - is a fireable offence after just one game. Many will criticise me for not giving Nancy time, for jumping the gun, but I stand by my words from last month after yesterday’s pathetic scenes - he is not good enough for Celtic. He may talk a good game in front of the press, but ultimately it comes down to what happens on the pitch and I fear for the next two games against Roma and the League Cup Final against St.Mirren.
We have regressed at every level since Tisdale’s arrival. The football is worse, the signings (largely his remit) are questionable projects, and the team has lost its aura. We have a failed Exeter manager appointing a 7th-place MLS manager to run Celtic. It is insanity.
Contrast this with what we had under Martin O’Neill, Shaun Maloney and the rest of his coaching team. He did not need a whiteboard. He had history at the club, a trophy cabinet to prove his credentials, an aura about him, and the force of personality to change the club’s momentum overnight after Rodger’s departure. We didn’t just let Martin O’Neill go; we waved goodbye to a manager who would have delivered the treble this season. We have binned the very concept of immediate, proven success for a gamble on a Whiteboard presentation pitchside.
Now, look at the league table. Motherwell and Rangers are closing in. The momentum is with Hearts, under a streetwise manager, have just beaten us at home and are now three points clear [despite us having a game in hand], but more importantly they have a psychological advantage over his now. Under Martin O’Neill, we broke teams. Sometimes it wasn’t pretty, but we got the win all the same. Under Nancy, we are siimply going to empower them.
I wrote last month that Celtic’s ambition died with the appointment of Wilfried Nancy. I stand by every word. This was not an ambitious appointment; it was a cost-effective, appointment for a board without a clue turning to a snake oil salesman masquerading as a football doctor to hire Rodgers’ replacement. Who calls themselves a fucking football doctor anyway?
The board likely believes the current fan unrest is manageable - a few angry forums, a group or two unfurling banners, merchandise sales dropping for a few weeks. They are wrong. If results continue on this trajectory, the boycott will not be confined to merchandise and hospitality. It will be of the team, of the stadium, of the very spirit that fuels the club. The atmosphere at the game yesterday was like a morgue. Fans clashed with one another and it wasn’t a pretty sight. The January transfer window looms. Do we trust Tisdale and Nancy to recruit the warriors we need? Or will they bring in more “project players” from the MLS and English lower leagues?
The whiteboard incident has become a symbol, the Watershed Moment of Nancy’s tenure. Even after just one game. It was the point where the curtain was pulled back to reveal not a wizard, but a lost man trying to coach in a league whose intensity, cynicism, and demand for instantaneous results he catastrophically underestimated. He is not a bad man. He is simply the wrong man, in the wrong job, at the worst possible time, appointed by the wrong people for all the wrong reasons.
We have been here before. The difference is, this time, the charlatan comes with fridge magnets and the pretence of intellectual superiority because he talks a good game. The league table does not lie, and neither do the eyes. We are watching a slow-motion unravelling, presided over by a project manager whose biggest idea required office stationery. The title is slipping away before our eyes to a Hearts side that isn’t setting the heather alight but ultimately doing the job they are called to do when it’s needed.
The final whistle on Sunday signalled a wake-up call for Nancy. I was hoping to be proven wrong about him and his appointment, but all I can see is continued failure and what could have been under Martin O’Neill and Shaun Maloney this season. Then we could have taken stock in the summer.
I fear for the remainder of this season under Nancy - IF he makes it that far.
As ever, I want to hear your thoughts. What is your take on the new manager and on yesterday’s defeat to Hearts?