Black Is the New Blue: Union Bears & Funeral Chic at Celtic Park

From title dreams to funeral scenes: Rangers’ season summed up by all-black dress code at Parkhead

The Union Bears have issued their latest instructions to Rangers fans ahead of Sunday’s Glasgow derby - wear black.

On the surface, it’s framed as a clever workaround. Banned from Celtic Park, eventually agreed to by their own club after the SPFL sided with Celtic on safety grounds, the plan is to blend into the crowd. Become indistinguishable. Invisible. A sort of ultras guerrilla warfare via wardrobe choice.

But let’s not insult anyone’s intelligence here. This isn’t strategy. It’s muscle memory.

Because if there’s one thing Rangers fans have perfected in recent years, it’s the aesthetic of mourning.

Another season, another failed title challenge dressed up as “progress.” After torching £40 million in their attempts to buy the title, Rangers now sit on course to finish third- adrift of a Celtic side that is arguably the worst in a generation and a Hearts team that spent less than 10% of what Rangers did.

So yes, black feels less like a protest against Celtic banning them and more like a dress rehearsal for another funeral.

We’ve seen this all before though. When Steven Gerrard left for Aston Villa, Rangers fans didn’t just complain, they staged a mock funeral. A life-size cut-out. A full-blown send-off. It was grief reimagined as theatre, equal parts hilarious and revealing.

And now? The same support that buried Gerrard is quietly floating the idea of his resurrection. Sack Danny Rohl. Bring Stevie back. Let him rise from the dead and save their club from more mediocrity - despite him winning just one trophy out nine Rangers competed in during his three and a half years at Ibrox. And he needed Covid, a dodgy Northern Ireland Covid testing facility, and no fans attending games to do it.

You almost have to admire their commitment.

Because nothing says long-term planning like recycling a former manager as a messianic figure after spending tens of millions to go backwards. Nothing screams stability like demanding a Lazarus act before the ink is dry on the latest failed rebuild.

And nothing, absolutely nothing, says “we’ve got this under control” like organising a stadium infiltration plan that doubles as a visual metaphor for yet another failed title push.

Black isn’t unity. It’s not defiance. It’s not even particularly subtle.

It’s the colour of inevitability.

So when Rangers fans file into Celtic Park this Sunday, dressed head-to-toe in funeral tones, they may well succeed in letting the Union Bears blend in. Not as undercover ultras, but as participants in a ritual they know all too well.

Another title challenge laid to rest.

Another set of expectations buried.

Another trophyless season.